got more words to the world

I always though that everything was going to be easier when I told it, Even though, it's been complicated as hell!.
Unfortunatelly, I feel locked inside as I was at the beggining. I know I got free, but something is still behind. It is suposed that you move on everyday,in my case, while everybody was doing what I 'had advised, I remained in the same spot. Either one step forward nor one step backwards... stuck, I think it is called ...
Why can't I take out of my mind all those memories, so vivid and fresh, that I want to re-live?
I torture my self over and over again, but , it wasn't my fault that everything went so badly, what did I do wrong?
I don't think I'm too bad to not deserve good things, nor to deserve 'nothing'
That's why this feeling of wanting to run far away and fast takes over my mind right now...it doesn't give room for anything else inside it...
It's not right at all , I know, but I can't think anything worst than feeling stuck and locked when you are so free to live as your will comands you to do so .
True, I've got too much ahead , but , again, strong feelings burn inside me .
Aparently, strength is not acquired day over night, is it?nor by spontaneous anxiety of wanting it so much
I get jelous sometimes of the dearest people around me ... I see how much they got, how much love they give. I wonder ... Flirt? Affairs? one-night-stands? ice cold heart?
Sometimes I wanna be this tough girl who wants it all...and gets it all...and throws it all!
I go to bed everynight, by my self and hear the nothing but silence, dead silence that says 'lonelyness is your dearest friend'.

over night

Ya no puedo ver entre tus ojos
creo que el brillo ya opacó
justo a tiempo, antes que mis manos
dieran por sentado tus jugueteos
No sé que fue para tí
o si hubo realmente algo de tí en mi
Lo hubo aquella vez
que compartí contigo algo más
Del día a la noche,
de la noche al día
doy cuenta de mis pensamientos
a la luz de mis mas profundos miedos
Cansancio de la rutina es lo más feo
de todo y cada uno de mis sentimientos

sober

Sparky eyes I see in yours
my wondering is never been forced
the shadows crawl against my back
your breathe is still mine
I can hear your heart beat
everytime you let me in